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Feel like coworkers and clients don't see the "real" you? 💯 Authenticity coach and guest Kristine Thody is here to teach you how to let down your armor and let the real you shine. As a client of hosts Phil and Lauren, Kristine Thody has helped leaders across Fortune 500 companies unlock authenticity for fulfilling lives, connections, and careers. In this episode, you're going to learn her go-to moves for figuring out who you are, what you love, and how to unleash your true self with no fear.

Phil

Hello, hello, hello. Welcome to Brand Therapy. I'm Phil.

Lauren

And I'm Lauren.

Phil

And this is a podcast where we help you position, build and promote your brands. I'm so happy you're here. Okay, I'm really like really emphasizing the ‘so happy you’re here’ because I feel before this episode has even happened that it's going to be so much fun. Because the topic we're tackling and the person we're tackling it with. I just know that it's going to be valuable, but I know it's gonna be fun, which means you have my full, undivided attention. Lauren, you're excited too. I know you are because you also love this topic, authenticity.

Lauren

Oh, yeah. Our guest today, Khristine Thody, is a coach who specializes in leadership and authenticity. Khristine, you are just sunshine in a human being. Branding you has been just the best, the highlight of our 2021. And so we wanted our listeners be able to learn from you and see how potentially understanding your own strengths can help you be more authentic and a really impactful human being. We're so excited. You're here.

Phil

Welcome to Brand Therapy.

Kristine

Aww thank you, and you guys have been so much fun to to work with this year. Honestly, like true gifts. I decluttered right before I met you, too. So it was like a crowded space for you to come in.

Phil

And we just walked right in. We just waltz right in. Okay, so first of all, your title, I think is fascinating. Authenticity Coach is the angle we've taken with your branding. It's what you know, it's what you have to share. It's what people can get from you. We're gonna define that in a second. The other thing I have to mention early on, your client list is probably the longest and most impressive client list that we've seen in a decade of working with coaches and consultants and professionals. It's crazy, you've worked with everyone, basically.

Kristine

I have virtually a lot. Yeah, I mean, that was generated through the business school really. It just shows the just the success of these individuals that graduated from Sauder School of Business and have gone on to work for some pretty big names around the world. So yeah.

Lauren

You're also the most humble human being on the planet so this question is probably challenging for you.

Kristine

I think where the humility comes in, is that, you know, yes, you can call it or technically call it my client list, but in the same breath, I worked with the human beings. And yes, those were the organizations they worked for at that time, or that we work together and they ended up landing a position at one of those companies. So when I think of my client list, I actually think of everybody as an individual. And so for me to connect it back to, as you so kindly put, you know, it's the person that I think of. So when I see those company names, I immediately go to who it was, who it was that either landed or who it was, that was working there. So that's where the humility because coaching, it's not about coaching the problem or coaching the company, it's about coaching the individual.

Lauren

And I feel like there's maybe this misconception about success and leadership that you either have it or you don't. And you know, there are people who are just promoted and others that aren't. There are people who get go after their dreams and get life handed to them on a silver platter. And then there are ones that aren't. But I think what's so refreshing about your perspective is that I think you believe that everyone has potential, right if they just find out their unique gifts.

Kristine

Absolutely. It's learning who we are and how we operate what we bring forward. You know, what makes us stand out like the box of crayons and owning that, owning the space that we are meant to take up on this on this earth.

Lauren

So I know, we're all fans of Strengths Finder on this call, or Clifton Strengths as they've now rebranded it, but I know that you are probably without question, the most knowledgeable on the topic in terms of like an actual coaching standpoint. So could you talk a little bit about Strengths Finders/Clifton Strengths and why you like it?

Kristine

I love strengths. Well, I'll actually so I've done the assessment. I think it was four times I actually was facilitating a workshop last night. This was a big part of it. The workshop. But I remember in 2012 the first time I did it, and I didn't know anything about Clifton Strengths and so I did the assessment, I got my print out, and I remember reading through and it was just this jaw dropping moment. The way I show up, the way I operate actually has a name. It's actually called something. I'm surprised that my picture didn't print out of the printer.

Phil

I have a similar reaction and feeling to the test. I feel the same way. It was like, Wow, I feel so identified.

Kristine

And so that was like a really defining moment for me. This is really how I show up. This is how I operate. This is why I deliver. This is why I'm so committed to the things that I say yes to. So that happened in 2012.

But what's been really interesting is that over the last, I'm going to say eight years, because the last time I did it was last year, each time I've done it, there's been what I would call my staple strengths, but then there's been shifts in terms of my strengths that have shown up, and I'm just focusing on the top five. It was very reflective of what I was doing at work, but also just life experience, and how some of my strengths were shifting, and they definitely weren't dropping to, you know, landing as my number 32, 33 or 34.

I would say that if I were to do the the top 10, they'd probably be within my top 10. But it was really interesting just to see how, as I changed and life experiences, and as my role evolved at the University over the years, how I was starting how I would shift and draw upon different strengths, keeping some of them, you know, they were my anchors.

So going back to your question, you know, strengths, you know, and I'm tying it into the world of career because that, you know, yes, I've been branded authenticity. But my last 20 years, I've spent in the world of career, and coaching individuals that have ended up on my doorstep, just, I call it career, you know, in a space of career unhappiness, and we work together to just peel away the layers and unpack what it is that isn't making them happy.

And I can't tell you how many individuals it uh, we've landed on, not using their strengths in their role. Or you know, it's been a values misalignment or, you know, it's actually not the career pathway that they chosen. That's necessarily wrong, but it's the role or it's the organization or I could talk for hours. So it could be other things.

But when we are using our strengths, our happiness just increases in life and in work and our productivity and our relationships and our creativity and our in just the ability to be more innovative skyrockets.

Lauren

I love that explanation, too. Okay, so Khristine, I'm going to quickly go through my Strengths Finder results and tell you what I learned about myself. And then I'm just curious to know from a coaching standpoint, how you might help your clients understand more about themselves. So my number one is futuristic. Number two is strategic. Number three is focus. Number four is intellection. And number five is input.

Phil

Oh you sound like a lot of fun.

Lauren

Leave me alone with my books. And that is basically it. That's that should be like the summary of it. But I realized, what I really encourage listeners to take this test, because when I saw these results, I was like, Okay, I need to make sure that I'm doing a job where I can envision possibilities, and basically figure out a pathway to get to that future and be able to really learn and explore and dive deep instead of just taking orders for the sake of taking them. That's really what I learned, which is fascinating.

Phil

Well, you know, my top five off my heart. So my number one is positivity. My second one is Woo, which I guess I should explain what that means. Essentially means winning people over. I love the challenge of winning someone over in conversation or from the stage. What's my third one? activator?

Kristine

Activator and Maximizer were four and five.

Lauren

Yeah, communication is number three.

Phil

That makes sense. So let's talk about this for a second. I realize for like Lauren and I are excited. So we're talking about ourselves, but it gets our podcasts we get to do what we want. But I think this is the power in Kristines work is you get people excited to look inward and have a dialogue with you about it is really exciting but I feel similarly about finding out my results. It reaffirmed that I'm in the right job. It also reaffirmed that I've brought the right people around me to do the things that I'm not good at. Really, I have. And so I love being on intro calls to talk to someone for the first time. And it's my mission to make sure they like me, they feel like they've had a good few minutes spent with us, even if they don't become a client. And that's my Whoo, kick it into gear. It's really important to me, positivity, I have to be having fun. Every day. The reason I still make websites 10 years later, I could have easily delegated this to someone else, I find it really fun. I love the challenge. I find it exciting. And I find it fun. Communicator. It's always been a part of my work. But even this year, we've talked about this, we perfect on this. But I built a brand new vertical of the business, which is content, sponsored content, working with brands. Sharing really cool things out there and teaching and educating, communicating, and all of that to say and give examples, that I feel lucky to be in a job that is highlighting my strengths, and it's filling my competence giving me join, it almost makes it feel like when I go to work the next day, I'm not really at work, I'm doing what I'm would normally do. Even if it was a hobby, I'd still be doing it.

Kristine

I just want to acknowledge something that you said in there, Phil, and it actually stems from a conversation you and I had a number of weeks ago, one Sunday morning. Well, it was Sunday morning in my world. And we got talking about your leadership.

Phil

I was drinking white wine, by the way, during that conversation I was I was present. But you know, I was pleasantly present.

Kristine

I know I was having coffee and putting my hiking boots on to go out. But I just wanted to acknowledge because some of the things that you just talked about in terms of knowing yourself, embracing your strengths, knowing where you fall down, or what doesn't fill your cup, that is leadership is acknowledging that and then going out and building your team that is going to compliment you.

Because as leaders, we're only as good as who we surround ourselves with, really at the end of the day. And who wants to be in a kitchen with too many chefs. Right? We all want to come to the table with our uniqueness and our strengths and our contributions and our challenges, because that's how we grow and collaboration. So you know that just adding on to what you just said, Phil is, you know, true leadership in terms of, of knowing what lights you up.

Lauren

I wonder, Kristine, for people who maybe haven't or aren't interested in taking the Strengths Finder test, what are some questions that they can ask themselves to get to know themselves better?

Kristine

Yeah, I think it really starts with who am I, I would say that it sits in in the space of reflection, and reflecting back on now, where have I been my happiest? If it's, if we're linking it to career, it's taking a time to go back through all of your, you know, through your career history, and thinking about roles and accomplishments and individuals that they've reported into, and starting to just brainstorm words.

And then on the flip side, reflecting back to maybe what, you know, when career happiness or even happiness in life hasn't been overflowing, and what was going on for them at that time? What were they experiencing? As we cruise through life, and we are faced with different experiences, how we embrace that part are those journeys, you know, are those chapters, sometimes we can start to hide or armor up, I’m kind of getting into the space of authenticity a tiny bit, but you know, we can armor up, we start to protect ourselves, we start to hide maybe our light dims for whatever reason, and we we lose sight of who we are, like our true essence, like, who are we? And you know, another thing that I would suggest, is going back to when we were children when we were innocent, and full of play, and there was no judgment and we just rolled through life, you know, having that conversation what would you what would you ask your five year old self, or your seven year old self, about who you truly are.

Lauren

Can I stop us all there and maybe we can all go around and talk about the answer to that question. What would five to seven year old Kristine have found joy doing?

Kristine

Oh, well, I do. Well, I do it now. And that is honestly that is it. Playing, it's being outside and it's being surrounded with people. I'm like, you Phil, people fill me up? Right?

Lauren

What about you, Phil?

Phil

Well, my answer would be would be similar. I think we are similar in lots of ways. But first of all, you answered that question so well. Interestingly enough, you answered the question similarly to our astrologist, who told me in a recent reading, how important it was that I pay attention to young Phil not baby, little Phil. Yeah, little Phil is what she calls him. And she focuses on this and one of the activities I brought into my, I guess my practice or my life this year is scuba diving. I love being in water, and she had said to me, you need to be in water, it totally resets you or fills you up, whatever. And my answer would probably be related to that. I'm not a person who likes to be a dirty, I don't like grass stains. I don't like dirt. But I love like being in the water. So that would probably be my answer.

Lauren

Yeah, it's so interesting. It's such a good question.

Phil

Are you gonna answer right now?

Lauren

Well, I realized I haven't done this for like decades. But I used to be really, really into art and drawing. I would do all the art classes in the world that I could do and painting and doodling even from a really, really young age all the way through high school. I actually considered going to art school for college. But then I didn't, then I went to Western instead. And then met Phil which is great. So probably drawing and reading, I guess,

Phil

Why don't you do it? Maybe this is a reflection, you need to get back into doing it.

Kristine

Can I get can I get coachy? What's holding you back?

Lauren

Time.

Kristine

What needs to happen for you to give yourself permission to create time?

Lauren

I probably need to delegate more, so I have more time to actually do that without losing sleep, I guess.

Phil

To your credit, you have done that much more actively in the last six months or so.

Lauren

I try to but there's always room for improvement.

Kristine

Oh, I been there. I have spent way too many years not giving myself permission to do what just fills me up. And to give myself that, to create that time and space to play. Because at the end of the day, I for myself, I can only speak for myself, but the energy that I have, the energy I get from whatever it is that I choose to do, it's like just the rewards I reap are endless.

And the one thing that I learned years ago, well, you're a couple few years ago that I've rolled forward is that if I'm not at my best, then nobody else gets the best of me. And that I remember, that was a game changer for me when I was going through the journey with my mom, and it was like, Okay, I got to show up. And you know, so what do I need to do to fully show up for this experience with her and her illness. And that was a game changer in terms of learning. I had to learn to give myself permission to go ride my bike or to go and be with my friends, because that filled me up so that I could truly show up and be present and all in. But it's it's hard. It's hard to give ourselves permission to do those things than to recreating or creating a new habit, which does take time.

Lauren

Totally. So flashback to about a year and a half or two years ago, when I was living in LA, I would get probably 1000 to 1500 steps a day. Because I'd wake up I'd look at my phone, I see an emergency and, and because I have an immense sense of responsibility, I would put that emergency before myself. And then before I knew it, it would be 10:30pm and I'd still be on my computer and then the day would end. Really unhealthy. I was very unhappy, grumpy all the time as like anyone would because human beings aren't meant to sit on computers every single day for 12 plus hours a day. And so this year, when we moved to Vancouver, I actually had to develop a habit and actually stop me from myself. To make this habit. I really feel like the phone does not go in the bedroom. Work email and Slack not on the phone because I know that I cannot resist if it's there so it's just gone. I put out my outfit for four in the morning and it's like my workout gear and I put it on and I go out there like I get out as soon as I can to save me from my inner monster. But you're so right it's I think that self care for lack of a better term iit truly requires the rewiring of your brain to actually make it happen.

Kristine

And it's learning to set boundaries to write, yeah, all of these things, you know, feed into returning back to our authentic self and who we are, who we are at our core and life and the rat race of corporate worlds and expectations and deliverables. And then, yeah, the whole phone thing, oh, my gosh, that's a whole other podcast, because I have a total push and pull with technology and being, you know, feeling like I have to be on and responsive. And you know, setting boundaries in terms of what we will and won't do, and. And then it trickles into retraining all the people you have around you. Because if you've been showing up a certain way, and then all of a sudden you start to shift and change, and all of a sudden, right? It's like people are like, whoa, what's going on here? Why is she not responding and 10 seconds flat, it's like, so it's not just us shifting and changing and boundary setting and really putting ourselves first, it's also, you know, sort of holding space and boundaries for the people around us better, that that where they're feeling a different energy from us. And you know, who is this individual and, you know, managing their reactions.

Lauren

So let's explore the idea, someone decides that they're going to not be a bit more intentional with checking their email, and responding to their email. And instead of basically having their inbox open all day, they want to go down to answering their email three times a day. Obviously, that's going to be an adjustment for anyone who's used to instantaneous responses. Is that a situation where you should communicate with people and say, hey, just, you know, I'm switching to this? Or do you let it slide? What is your advice?

Kristine

Oh I would highly recommend that you can be communicated out? Absolutely. Because it's, it's almost like a way, it's kind of like a form of ghosting. That just came to me in this moment, it is kind of a form of ghosting. And it is all about, you know, I mean, let's threading it back to authenticity, threading it back to the vulnerability piece is, you know, that's a vulnerable place to be. Part of authenticity is developing your voice, it's finding your voice again, and it is it is speaking the truth. And coming forward and saying, this isn't working for me responding to your emails within 10 seconds of you sending them to me, it's not working for me.

And you know, that, I mean, you can go on and say, like, this is how these are the effects of it. Or you can say, I'm switching things up.

But absolutely communicating out, I think, 100%, you have to tell your audience or your clients, or your family, or your people or whoever it is that this change is coming. Because people manage change differently. And some people might have adaptability in their lives and be okay with it. Others might have adaptability as number 34. And will like have a meltdown and wonder why somebody is showing up differently. And so I mean, that's more of a transactional thing, versus a transformational change. And I think it's an easy way of saying, here's what you can expect. It's resetting expectations with whoever it is that you need to reset expectations and expectations. They shift all the time. It should. Yeah, daily, weekly, monthly.

Lauren

And I love that you recommend communicating, because that's actually an example of authenticity and action, but it's also an example of someone's armor coming down. Because it's like, hey, you're used to this. I'm switching to this because XYZ, edit it. It's a bit more open, I suppose.

Kristine

Oh, yeah. Absolutely. And by communicating, you know, you're taking that relationship to, or that connection to a new level. And it's like, oh, okay, well, maybe that person is going to feel more comfortable leaning in and saying, okay, here are some changes that I'm making, rather than just doing it behind the scenes, and then you wondering, right. It goes both ways, in terms of communication, and then nobody's left storytelling, right. As soon as something changes, and you're not notified about it., we're in our thinking mind, and we're wondering, and we're storytelling, and we're making assumptions, which completely takes us out of who we just we are, and it takes over. And that's not a wonderful place to be.

Phil

So good. I feel like people have totally, truly gotten a taste of your world, your perspective, the way in which you're able to help people, you know, where I want to send them next, I want to send them to your amazing website.

Lauren

kristinethody.com.

Phil

I'm so happy with how this site is looking. We've worked together, all of us, and we're so proud of how it's looking.

Lauren

And, of course, people need to follow you on Instagram.

Phil

Yes, hugely important. You're sharing such good info over there.

Kristine

Well, thank you. Thank you. This has been truly a life changing experience.

Phil

I'm so glad. That's what we want it to be.

Kristine

It has been super transformational.

Phil

We want it to be but you're rising to the challenge. You get what you what you put into it. I think you get out of it, what you put into it, and you're putting in 110%. And I think it's paying off.

Kristine

Well, it's embracing the experience. It's going all in and embracing. Yeah, I do feel like I've completely embraced this experience. And I've loved every minute of it.

Phil

We didn't pay her to say that.

Kristine

No, you didn't. I'm not I'm not on Phil's payroll? No, I honestly had no idea. I had no idea. But honestly, I decluttered a few numbers out of my phone. And then all of a sudden, I was on zoom with you two. Yeah. And my life will never be the same.

Phil

That might be your testimonial. When we add your project to our website, which is going to be soon, I'm going to put a little bubble that comes from your photo that says exactly what you just said, got these two on Zoom, and my life will never be the same. That's the best.

Kristine

No, honestly, like I said, I share that from my heart, my unarmored heart, honestly. Like, you know, you just, just, gosh, I just have to for hours and share so many stories about my own journey and just unarmoring or you know, and working to dissolve my own armor, which you know, life experiences and people and corporate cultures that you shift and change to fit in.

And I think at the end of the day is how I think it and I feel it, it's exhausting. And so, you know, my wish is for everybody just to return home. And, you know, find that self kindness and that self compassion and no judgment on themselves. Because living in that way and under expectations of other people it truly is exhausting.

And I entered the world of entrepreneurship and I thought how am I going to fill five days a week of work? Well, I need to physically shut the computer and walk away it is. You know, it's hard. It is so it's so hard to like set boundaries and stuff like that, but showing up as just me. And you know, someday's are so messy. Like off the charts messy. Somedays, I am like killing it. I am knocking the balls out of the park like there's no tomorrow and just living in that space is so freeing. It is so afraid. And just communicating. Like I like today is messy. messy day. And that is

Phil

That is okay.

Kristine

Yeah. And I want everyone to have a taste of that.

Phil

You’ve given us a taste of that today.

Lauren

You don't need to be a winner every day. You just need to be yourself every day. And you know, this episode is coming up at a perfect time. Obviously, we're recording this a little bit before it's releasing. But you are our final guest of the year for the podcast. And so I feel like hearing your wisdom is just going to set our listeners off on the right foot for 2022, so thank you.

Phil

I love it. Thank you. Thank you for hanging out with us on Brand Therapy. We appreciate you for so many reasons, including this one. Giving us your wisdom to set us into the new year. You're the best.

Kristine

You guys are too. Thank you.